Cheating men live longer: True or false
By Bayo Aka
A Ghanian business man and a social media celebrity, Ibrah One, recently shared a scientific discovery that men who do not cheat on their wives die early via his official Snapchat handle.
The statement reads ” Scientists have discovered that men who don’t cheat die early. Oh, so this is why my best friend died very early”
This acclaimed scientific discovery which tends to encourage men to cheat on their wives has generated comments from Nigerians who proved otherwise that rather cheating men die earlier than expected.They also gave reasons why some couples relationships are not smooth and what they need to do for better relationship.
Of course, many a couple relationship is strained due to dearth of the major reason for marriage.
For example, John Shobambi, not real name is married to Yetunde. After, a marriage of 12 years with three kids, they no longer have sex.
Yetunde always turned John down each time he asked for sex . She complained of tiredness,having gone to work and returned to perform domestic chores. This frequent turning down made John to look for a side chick. There and then, he no longer returned home as expected and his budget increased. He has to take care of Jummy, the other womanly. Rather than disturb Yetunde at home for sex again, he enjoyed himself outside and on reaching home, he snored through out the night. Yeti is no longer comfortable with this. She was aware that her man has a mistress outside. She was no longer happy and became a jealous wife. You and I know what jealous wives do now a day to their spouses. The case of Sander and others who killed their husbands are there for records.
There is also the story of Ronke and her darling husband, Tunde whose marital relationship is having some issues
Ronke no longer willingly allow her hubby to perform in bed except motivated. For Ronke to make her hair, she needs money. So, her husband must give her the money or else no show.
We sought the opinions of Nigerians on this issue and here are what they said
Pastor Wale Ashonibare of the Redeemed Christian Church of God described the scientific research as one which is obviously sponsored by Satan. He said it is exactly the opposite as he asked rhetorical questions: who can number how many men who had died of thunderbolts (magun)in Africa? Who can number how many men who had died of STDs in their various forms? Who can number how many men who had been hacked to deaths by jealous spouses? He prayed God to have mercy on the untutored researchers who mislead people. Without doubt, the cleric is of the view that men who cheat on their wives die untimely.
A researcher, Bayo Emmanuel, also expressed a contrary view to that of the Ghanian business man. ” Never, this is equating sin with long life. This is morally and spiritually antithetical. Sin is a destroyer. It has nothing good to offer”
Still expressing a contrary view to the said scientific discovery is Atunse who said he is not an advocate of men cheating on their wives.
According to him a large number of men cheat on their wives regardless of what the wives do to satisfy and make them happy. He added that such men cheat for one singular reason; sex. This is because their wives constantly deprive them of sex or place them on rota, he pointed out.
Atunse explained that such wives are often heard saying” ha na food, am tired jor, a beg no kill me, I don’t just feel like, You don’t even have anything you think of except sex,” the list is endless.
He explained and encouraged couples to have sex as often as possible, saying it brings love and stronger ties in relationships. He appealed to wives to help their husbands fight against the temptation of cheating by doing the needful.
For him, some men also deny their wives sex but 90 percent of the problem should be attributed to women. But he advised that couple should reflect on their relationships so as to save their marriages before it is too late. While stating that many men suffer in silence, he advised them to take bold steps in addressing the issue at convenient or subtle moments, adding that men should always forego their desires or satisfactions for those of their wives.
He also countered the view that wives who use sex as weapon of negotiation at home are getting it elsewhere, saying women have more self control than men on sex issue. He said men have more sex drive than women and that is why they use it as bargaining tool to control and influence their husbands.
Olalekan, a social worker, looked at the issue from another angle which helps to shed light on why some men cheat.
Here him: I am a social worker and what I see daily in term of family dispute will amaze you. Could you believe that some people go into side chick relationships not mainly for sex but for an estuary to let off the steam from home. If you are married wrongly, this will be more clear to you”
In essence, some men cheat because the home front is hot. Their wives at home exert too much pressure on them, they therefore need to ease tension .
Women also add their voice to the issue Read their views
Mojisola Pooola attributed the cause of cheating to both men and women on 50/50 bases, saying just as some wives deny their husbands sex, so also some men deny deny their wives because such men are selfish or are satisfied already.
Another woman,Oyeniyi Ramat who looked at the issue from Islamic perspective, said
it is very ungodly for a wife to deny her husband sex. It is one of the most forbidden acts by almighty God. It is believed in Islam that if a woman denied her husband sex and the man is unhappy, the angels will continue to curse such a woman until her husband is pleased with her. The issue of sex in marriage , according to her, is not a joke especially for men. There is a level to which men can control their sexual urge.
Ramat encouraged wives to brace up to that aspect of marital responsibility , pointing out that the first purpose of marriage is sex before other reasons. She urged wives not to turn down their husbands’ sexual advances on flimsy reason. She opined that most men whose wives turned them down are not romantic enough and advised them to be more romantic, adding that there must be foreplay before sex. This , according to her, gives the woman the urge for sex.
“Remember that as a woman gets old and in premenopause stage, the urge for sex reduces, that is why many wives turn their husbands down. It is not their faults , it is the body system” ,she said.
Ramat went on “Let husbands discover the sensitive part of their wives which can easily make them to be aroused and do the needful.”.
She concluded that if couple look inward to discover reason for refusal, there will be changes.
To Douglas, adultery is embedded in man’s DNA. According to him a single man can mount the whole women in the world given the energy he has. He carries one billion spermatozoa and he has to release them . But this is not to say that there are no women who frolic for adventure or pleasure also.
Another cleric ,Pastor Bolu Solomon of RCCG who contributed to the discussion, said sex brings intimacy and bonding between couples. He said sex is meant to give pleasure to the couple involved.
According to him, God approved it for procreation and so He didn’t create man and woman twice, pointing out that it is a fraudulent act to deny one’s spouse sex.
Quoting 1Cor 7 vs 5, he said spouses are not to deny their partners sex, adding that nothing satisfied a hungry man than food, so also it is with craving for intimacy.
However, Pastor Bolu Solomon, noted that when the craving for sex is not satisfied by the legal spouse, it is gotten illegally and this brings regret and sorrow thereafter.
He opined that satisfying this craving must come with mutual understanding and agreement between couples.
He stressed that sex and love are not the same, noting that a man might have sex with anything or anybody but may not find satisfaction. It is therefore imperative for a husband to work on the emotion of his spouse to get into the mood to enjoy it. Some men don’t understand that women too deserve to enjoy sex, so as soon as they are satisfied in bed, they stand up without putting their wives into consideration, he noted.
The cleric who added that when a woman is not enjoying sexual acts at home, she seeks for a macho man who can drive her crazy in bed.He advised husbands to communicate well before, during and after sex. From all indication above, cheating one’s spouse is not biblical. Also, Kolawole Richard tried to dissuade cheating in relationships.
He said to most men, engaging in extra marital affairs is a norm and it is not because their wives are not satisfying them at home. It is not also because they don’t love their wives anymore. According to him even if a man sleeps with his wife for a whole day, he will go for another woman, if the opportunity presents itself. He said a man can travel several kilometers for sex even though there is no serious attachment but just for adventure.
Richard explained further that what many do not know is that the moment a man mounts a woman , their souls are attached to each other. However,he went further that saying few women also stray for want of pleasure.
. Above all, he counselled, whatever reason advanced for cheating,one should consider the hurt it does to ones partner when he/she gets to know.
The discussion is not exhausted yet but let us come to conclusion with a respondent, Taiwo Ajimobi who referred us to the book of Proverb 5: 15-21. It says:
Enjoy sex with your own wife ,if you have children by other women, they would not help you. Your children should grow up to help you. They should not grow up to help strangers. So be happy with your wife. You married her when you were young. You should not give your love to another woman, you should not go to another man’s wife.
Undoubtedly from the above, one can not but come to the conclusion that it is not advisable for spouses to cheat on each other. It is morally and spiritually wrong.